Veggie Burger Variety

 Tonight we’re posting a variety of homemade veggie burgers. I’m sure other bloggers that are participating in Vegan MOFO don’t need to be told this, but many others do: No. Veggie burgers do not taste like hamburgers. You may be able to make them look like a hamburger but no, unless you possess magic powers you will fail at making them taste like a hamburger. In my opinion this is a great thing.

 I get asked mockingly by family members and coworkers what it is I’m eating all the time. When I tell them, they often first disgustedly ask if it tastes like a hamburger, and then nine times out of ten they tell me they could just never eat that way. They tell me they’re “grossed out” by the food I’m eating. It’s unfathomable to them, completely fucking unspeakable. I often look over at what these people in question may be eating and I can often spot cartilage, bone, fat, and even blood. Sounds quite a bit more disgusting to me than a meal literally made up entirely of vegetables and vegetable protein, but what do I know, I’m just a silly little wimpy ass hippie vegan.

 So no, none of these burgers in this post taste or look like actual hamburgers. But they were made with love and creativity and passion and nobody, man or animal, had to be harmed in the making of a single goddamn one of them and that, in my opinion, is the single best thing about them. Enjoy.

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Pizza Burger- Seitan burger with fresh herbs, marinara & Daiya mozzarella

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BBQ Burger- seitan smoked burger with BBQ sauce

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Asian Burger- quinoa/vegetable burger with asian slaw and spicy mustard

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Italian Burger- lentil/vegetable burger with grilled eggplant, grilled mushrooms, collard greens & homemade marinara

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 Welcome to our second post on our Eating Like a Vegan King blog. We got some some good feedback from our last post on smoked seitan. Keep giving feedback. We like getting it.

 While as of late we’ve been trying to steer clear of any meat substitute we haven’t made ourselves sometime it just makes sense to cave in and pick up something like Gardein Beef(less) Tips or some such thing, especially if you know you’re going to be short on time or it’s on sale. On this particular night Ranise whipped up Asian collard green wraps using the above mentioned Gardein Beef Tips and a sweet potato, asparagus, and tomato salad.

 

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We blanched the collard greens to make and then cooled & dried them in between paper towels.

 

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The filling consisted of the beefless tips, broccoli slaw & shitake mushrooms. We sauteed the filling with garlic, ginger, tamari, mirin, and crushed red pepper.

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We also made an side salad with veggies we already had in our kitchen. Roasted sweet potatoes, asparagus, cherry tomatoes with lemongrass, thai basil, garlic and a bit of curry powder.

 

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The final meal also included a bed of quinoa to put the wraps on top of. The best part about this dinner is the leftovers are great for a hot summer night. The salad and wraps can all be eaten cold so no worries heating up your house to eat these a few nights later.

 That’s all for tonight, folks. We’ll be back tomorrow with a thorough post all about our love of Peter Gabriel and Abba. Not really. But we will be back tomorrow. Thank you, and enjoy. ***Disclaimer*** This post was inspired by Genesee Cream Ale and the Cut Sleeves LP by Bits of Shit (I know, appetizing name for a food blog).

 

 

Smoked Seitan Done Right, HOMEMADE/UNPROCESSED.

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Welcome to our first post of Eating Like a Vegan King. I’m a big fan of grilling food, charcoal grilling in particular. The wife and I try cooking up food for the week on Sundays and on this particular Sunday it struck me that I’ve never tried smoking anything in a charcoal grill. It’s an ambitious task and not one I’d seen others try, so being the ever inventive sons of guns we are we gave it a try. First though, Ranise had to whip up a batch her near-legendary seitan, because that store bought shit is just that, SHIT.

****If smoking, cook the seitan until it still has a bit of gumminess to the inside. We cooked ours for 45 minutes, still using the flipping method.  Make the seitan loaf, then season it before wrapping and cooking it. We did a rub of coarsely chopped black pepper, paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, thyme, & salt.

Seitan
Dry Mix
1 Box Vital Wheat Gluten
1/2 cup Nutritional Yeast
1 tsp onion powder
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp Pepper

Wet Mix
1 1/2 cups Veggie Broth
1 tbs Granulated Garlic
1 tbs Tomato Paste
4 Drops Liquid Smoke
1 tbs Soy Sauce
2 tsp Worcestershire

-Preheat oven to 350
-Put dry mix together in a bowl and set aside
-Stir wet mix together until tomato paste isn’t clumpy
-Pour wet mix into dry mix
Knead the mix with your hands until its a tough dough
– Form the loaf into a shape like the picture above (square shape?)
-Spray a piece of foil with a olive oil spray to prevent sticking and wrap the seitan really tight
– Cook for one hour and 15 minutes, flipping the loaf every 15 minutes. When you press on it and its no longer soggy but firm, its ready to go

While the seitan is cooking throw some wood chips in water, 2-3 cups worth,  for at least 15 minutes, an hour or more is the preference. Kingsford makes a brand of chips that is quite easy to find. After the seitan is cooked, light up your coals in a chimney starter. Fuck lighter fluid. The shit’s nasty, not good for you, and leaves your food tasting like lighter fluid, and that’s just bullshit. You’re going to want to give your coals a good 15 minutes or so of burning, maybe longer, but once you see flames shooting out of your chimney starter you pretty much know your coals are ready. Once your coals are ready empty them from your chimney starter. With tongs or another instrument place your hot coals on one side of the grill. I prefer the right for reasons I can’t even explain. On the other, or left side of your grill you want to place an aluminum drip pan filled halfway with water.  Next place your grilling grate on, close the vents almost all the way, and wait.  Remember, this is grilling/smoking and patience is key. Once you have your heat/temp managed to 200-250 throw your soaked wood chips on top of your hot coals, this is where your smoke will come from, then you’re ready to place the seitan on.

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The water in the drip pan is dyed a yellowish color as this is where I also soaked my wood chips. Notice I have my seitan placed directly over the drip pan. Why I’m doing this I do not know, but that’s what the experts do with meat. Either way it can’t hurt, right? Right. Plus, it must have something to do with the whole science of smoking. I’m just scratching the surface with this shit. The seitan must be flipped periodically and we kept this sucker cooking low and slow for a good two hours.

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Two hours later and we’re ready to get our eat on. The smoky flavor is almost scary in its goodness and is something I’d never before experienced with seitan. This is a long process, but worth it. Get a look at that.

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You’re looking at the finished product, Hoss. BBQ‘d smoked seitan sandwich in all its delicious glory. The soundtrack was all Gino and the Goons and the beer was all Brewery Vivant’s Farmhand. Smell ya later.

Blogging hard. #veganmofo

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This blogging shit is hard work for Riot aka Noodles aka Noodle aka Riz aka Rizbomb aka Kid aka SpotStealer aka Quionaface, etc.